Out with the Old, In with the New

Another Christmas has come and gone, (hope you all enjoyed yourselves and Santa was generous) and a new year beckons.

For many people, once the presents, the turkey and the family arguments are over and done with, the main focus of the festive season is the TV. Once upon a time, the big treat at Christmas time was the television debut of a hit movie. This, of course was in the days before cable, DVD’s and almost simultaneous TV and cinema releases. These days, the closest we get to a previously unseen Christmas treat is the annual Dr Who episode. This year’s offering did not disappoint with killer snowmen, a new assistant and a new look for the interior of the Tardis.

Aside from the Doctor’s festive shenanigans, programmers had to work extra hard to retain our interest and, by and large, I think they did a fine job. We had seasonal editions of Downton Abbey, Miranda, Him and Her, Outnumbered and Call the Midwife.  There was the excellent two-part wartime spy drama, Restless, a Snowman sequel, The Snowman and the Snowdog, and an adaptation of David Walliam’s novel, Mr Stink. All great entertainment, but Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas without a bit of Eric and Ern and this year we were rather spoilt for choice.

For more than forty years, The Morecambe and Wise Show has been right at the top of the Christmas tree. Despite the fact that their last show was made in 1983, the pair have been appearing on our screens ever since. This year we were treated to a re-run of their 1973 Christmas shoe plus a five part series that looked at every aspect of their career and featured rare and unseen sketches from their families’ personal archives.

As I sat and gloried in their inane antics for the umpteenth time with no noticeable diminishing of the enjoyment factor, it occurred to me that the one thing that could stop the Eric and Ern extravaganza from continuing forevermore is the guest stars.

The highlight of any Morecambe and Wise Show is the humiliation heaped upon a plethora of willing celebrities. But as the fun unfolded this year, there must have been a whole generation of viewers for whom the appearances of Glenda Jackson, Shirley Bassey, Hannah Gordon and John Hanson must have elicited nothing more than a baffled: ‘Who?’

That, in turn, prompted the question,if Eric and Ern were still with us today, who would they invite onto their show? In these days of image conscious, paparazzi plagued, prima donna’s, who would willingly subject themselves to that sort of ritual humiliation?

Stephen Fry was the first to come to mind. Matt Smith, Billy Connolly, Rowan Atkinson, Philip Glenister, all, I’m sure, would revel in the fun. And the ladies? Sheridan Smith, Victoria Wood, Julie Walters and Miranda Hart would all make perfect foils.

But even with the guest stars in place, who, these days would be capable of writing that particular, non-offensive, multi-generational type of humour? Morecambe and Wise’s most successful and long standing scriptwriter, Eddie Braben is still with us, but, at 82, he may feel the strain of producing even one Christmas show was too much. So, who could step into his shoes? Perhaps One Foot in the Grave creator, David Renwick might be persuaded to turn in a sketch or two. I think Marks and Gran are still available. David Walliams and Matt Lucas maybe and I’m sure Miranda Hart and Victoria Wood could rustle up a chuckle or two in the right style.

Not that any of that matters if the two essential ingredients are missing. Who on earth could replace Eric and Ern? The answer, obviously, is Eric and Ern.

A company called Musion is on the verge of creating holograms so realistic that there is already talk of resurrecting deceased rock stars such as Freddie Mercury (now there is an Eric and Ern guest star if ever there was one) who could actually perform alongside their surviving band mates without anyone seeing the join as it were. Why not apply the same technology to Eric and Ern?

So there we have it. My New Year gift to the nation. A holographic Morecambe and Wise, a willing line-up of guest stars and top writing talent to provide the jokes. Problem solved, Christmas entertainment is now guaranteed forever.

Have a happy New Year.